thesteadybloom

I live in the desert. Where the weather is either hot or hot. There is some relief we experience in the spring or during monsoon season, but it’s like one or two days we get out of the sweltering heat. The winters are nice, except for the last couple of years, when it’s been 90 degrees in December. I will not share my profession online, due to privacy issues (and if you know me, please respect this wish), but I will describe it in the best way possible. I got one word for you:

CHAOS.

But Baylee, you enjoy it so much, how could you say that? Well, fellow person, it is because every day is unpredictable. I recently took the Enneagram test and learned what Type I am.

Type 6: the Loyalist.

So, basically, what that means is that I like structure, I like predictability, I like being able to control my environment and what happens within it. I would thrive in professions where structure is necessary for function, but it would still need to be team-driven.

I, Bay, do NOT thrive in chaotic environments.

It’s funny to reflect on all the jobs I have had. My first one was being a bagger at Fry’s during COVID. My job was to pack groceries into bags and bring in the carts from the corrals in the parking lot. When you brought in the carts, they only allow you to haul in six, as that was how many you could “safely” bring in using the belt. What they didn’t know was that I was also training to return to basketball in the fall, so there was no way in heck I was only bringing in 6 carts. During the day, it was so hot you had to wear gloves, and if you recall, that summer it was extremely dry and hot. So, yes, I would bring in only 10 carts. But when the sun set, and I had to be there for the night shift, from 4-11, you bet your shiny penny I was bringing in more than 10 carts. There was one night in particular, right before the store closed, when I wanted to see just how many I could bring in at once. That night, I cleared all the stalls in about 20 minutes, because the biggest row I took in was 24 carts. 24 SHOPPING CARTS. BY HAND.

Oh, it was heavy, pretty sure I hurt my back pushing those things in, but it was a competition I was having with myself. I could control what I wanted to do, even if it meant breaking the rules. The floor managers at the time were attentive and overbearing about 80% of the time. When I got in the groove of something, they would order us around in the middle of a task to assist or fulfill another duty. It would throw me off so bad. When I transitioned from being a bagger to an online shopping clerk, the interruptions got worse. I recall a day when we had close to 250 orders that were coming in back-to-back. I was so stressed with the number of calls on hold and cars in the parking lot that I began to shake and panic.

My floor manager said, “Baylee, you need to get it together, everything is just fine.” He was blunt, but that bluntness got me through the rush and made me shape up real quick. I mention this experience because it was the first time I experienced the stress of a job. The following jobs were nothing but chaos. That is, until I got more into the sales/business/paperwork end of working. Then, things calmed down, and I was comfortable, but I felt extreme loneliness.

That is another story for another day; the point I am trying to make is that despite my personality type craving control and predictability to eliminate the possibility of stress and anxiety, I have chosen to willingly make myself uncomfortable just to see if I can do it. Most of my jobs were easy. Show up, clock in, work, clock out, leave. But the job I do now? Consists of show up, prepare mentally, physically prepare, work, wOrk, woRk, worK, ‘work’, WORK, paperwork, leave. Don’t try to play the guessing game of why I did all that. Just know each word “work” is spelled or written differently intentionally. I work like a DAWG all day to do the best that I can, because it is probably the most important thing I have done in my entire life. It is never the same work day, it is never the same routine, it will never be chaos-free. Probably not the best thing to do as it stresses me out beyond reasonable doubt, BUT, I love what I do.

I have accepted chaos. I appreciate it, actually. I can predict the weather most days, I can plan out my outfits, hairstyles, time frame for commute, my meals, the time frame I need for paperwork, and be just fine with my day. Want to know why?

It is because I am watering the grass of experience, with where I am right now in life. I wouldn’t say that I am thriving in this environment, but seeing as to how far I can go in it is thrilling. After all, life is short, and I don’t want to waste my water because I live in the desert! Life in our 20’s can be so exciting, and I am so grateful that my life has been ordinary since graduating from college. The Loyalist has goals, a greater purpose with which drives their every move. Every step is intentional, every relationship a building block in the foundation of success, and every chaotic moment in life is a humble reminder that life really isn’t that serious. I have people who have told me:

“You are so boring.”

“You really have no idea what you’re doing with your life, do you?”

“You need to figure your stuff out”

Aaand my response to this is: okay. After all, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Obviously, those people like to water dead grass, because those words hit the dirt and didn’t soak in. One of the best things I have realized getting older is that everyone has STUFF. Things that they are worried about and are out of their control, things they talk about, and things they like to hide. Whatever the case may be, nobody is entitled to know everything about you. Not everyone has green grass that they are watering, either. In this job, I have experienced all kinds of interesting people….. I don’t know about you, but I want to water green grass, not dead, yellow, dry, sticky, and spiky grass, but the soft grass that sends tickles up your body when you step on it barefoot.

The grass isn’t greener on the other side. I cannot expect my life to get easier by jumping ship and getting a better-paying job with less stress, fewer demands, and more structure and control. I have to create that for myself, in doing things that I value. Even if it means giving up what I need the most, I will always be an athlete at heart. Competing against the old Bay and pushing me to what the future Bay wants.

So, what does watering grass look like for you?

(: